‘You can’t say that!’: how to argue, better | Friendship | The Guardian

In disagreements, too many of us think like preachers, prosecutors and politicians. In preacher mode, you're trying to proselytise your views. In prosecutor mode, you're attacking someone else's. And in politician mode, you don't even listen to people unless they already share your views. 

When I hear someone talk like a preacher or politician, I often snap into prosecutor mode. There are few things that offend me more than ignorance masquerading as knowledge. If I think you're wrong, I feel it's my professional responsibility as a social scientist – and my moral responsibility as a human being – to correct you. I've been called a logic bully. It took me too long to realise that hammering people with facts rarely wins the argument and sometimes loses the relationship. Whether you're preaching, prosecuting or politicking, you've already concluded that you're right and they are wrong. You've flipped a switch that shuts down your capacity for critical thinking…

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jul/30/you-cant-say-that-how-to-argue-better